Listening is a Skill

Couples list one of the major problems in their relationship as non communication. This is said to be what opens the door to the wandering eye. It starts innocent enough, take for instance a man or woman looking for someone to lend an ear. You know just listen.

Married people find comfort in one another.

They have the daily routine of marriage and family in common. This also can pose a problem when it seems to be the only things you have left in common.

Many couples face this problem in their relationship. Are you willing to just listen and be open to your mate? One person or the other may feel their mate never lets them express their feelings without being judgmental.

Those unmarried couples may feel overlooked because their partner shrugs off their concerns with being over sensitive.

This should be food for thought to those who may be reading this and presently experiencing problems in this area.  One thing is for sure if you don't start to listen sooner or later they'll find someone who will. Now that may be a friend, relative or that nice co-worker at your job. What puzzles me (and I'm sure your partner would feel the same) is that you would find it more comfortable to talk to other folks about your issues instead of the person (your partner) you are having those issues with.

Perhaps this would be okay if your friend/family were licensed therapist.

 Since that might not be the case the alternative is to look for a professional counselor.  Marriage counseling or couples counseling can be a tremendous help in getting to the heart of what matters hopefully on the road to saving your relationship.

Not everyone is keen to the idea of counseling.

This can come from both sides male or female.

Ask yourself.  “Can I really sit down with a total stranger and tell them my most intimate thoughts and feelings”? It’s difficult for a woman but it’s hard as hell for a man.

Men don’t share emotions well; okay maybe they do but mostly while attending or watching a sporting event.

There in this environment they are secure to show emotion by letting out a loud whoop as verbal communication that something good or bad just happened. 

Physical expression of emotion is displayed with a high five or a chest bump.

Hell there may be a hug or two thrown if their team really just did something great.

A woman watching this act may wonder to herself,” Damn he doesn’t do all of that after we have sex”.

 What it does tell you is that he is quite capable of expressing emotions when it comes to his affections.

For women the difficult task for you is learning if you are still the object of his affection. 

That may be very scary stuff to explore. It’s the opening of Pandora’s Box and discovering the pain that you no longer are. The fact of the matter is there is going to be pain.   There’s the pain of not knowing and there’s the pain of knowing.

Then there is the pain of recovery from what you now know.

This is something both parties experience. Once you can communicate your feelings to your partner it should lead to opening the door to awareness and hopefully a step in the right direction.

 Written By:  Larry D. Miller

Larry D. Miller has over 20 yrs in the field of crisis intervention as a call center supervisor for a National Crisis Line.

Larry enjoys spending time with his family, writing (Larry has completed and published his first book) and playing golf.

You can find him online at his book's facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/How-to-cheat-and-not-get-busted/115333998547614?ref=hl) his blog http://larrydm.blogspot.com or his Twitter page (https://twitter.com/LarryDWWilf)